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March 17 2006 - What Do I Think I'm Doing?
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The last time I wrote I said that the reality of my trip to Africa hadn't really registered, well last night it did, big time, and I experienced a wave of primal fear the like of which, I never wish to experience again. Ever. What do I think I'm doing??? I'm a girl who loves her creature comforts, is welded to her bed, and has been a life long arachnophobic. I go to bed between 5 and 7am and, really, if truth be told, live my life as a teenager. But a teenager who's got it made! No boring parents hovering around, and no boring school to go to. Yes, I recognize that it's frightfully unbecoming behavior for an old aged pensioner, but there you go, it suits me. But I divert. This comfort loving creature whose idea of hiking boots is ballet shoes has committed herself to living in a tent, sleeping in a sleeping bag - I don't even know what a sleeping bag is, I'm a 5 star girl myself, - in the African bush for EIGHT WEEKS! And not a Tesco in sight. I am, undoubtedly... barking. I also find it very ominous that in the bumf they sent me, they described the experience as 'Character Building'. I find this ominous, very ominous indeed. I think my character is built quite enough, thank-you, and if 8 weeks in the bush is needed to cement the afore-mentioned character, then quite honestly, I think you're having a laugh. Who do I mean by 'you'? What aspect of myself is calling the shots right now? Perhaps I won't fully understand, until I'm there, living the experience. I know already that it will be a life changing experience. Well, any idiot could work that out, I mean I know it will be life changing, but until I'm there, living the dream, I don't have a clue how that change will manifest itself. Actually, I do have some experience of life in the bush. I spent 2 weeks in Kenya when I was making White Mischief but being under canvas with a film crew is - I know - a world away from living under canvas with Vervet monkeys. As my time to leave approaches, my awareness of just how much I'm going to miss Vick and Caspar and my home and my friends increases. What a fascinating journey this is proving to be. Well, that's one way of putting it... My biggest fear at the moment is having to catch a bus from Johannesburg to the bush. I'm not a natural traveller in so far as I find journeys quite daunting. I'm in a state bordering on panic until I'm actually on the vehicle that will convey me to my destination. Only then can I let my breath out and begin to enjoy the journey. 'Character Building'... ominous, very ominous indeed.
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