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February 02 2007 - What To Do Next
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Forgive me for being late with this blog, and also for its brevity. Being a full time 'Mum' has totally taken over my life for the past 19 days! For the first 17, Meroela was with me 24/7: if she went into the nursery and played with the other orphans I went with her, she hung out at my tent with friends who stopped by for a drink at the end of the day, and proved herself to be an enchanting and thoroughly entertaining companion. Her curiosity is endless, watching her jump onto a tree the first time and proceed to make a wobbly exploration of branch, leaf and bark was an experience to melt the hardest of hearts. She's a joy to sleep with, although a furry monkey wrapped in a 'blankie' and tucked under ones chin on a very humid night is, I have to say an acquired taste! I acquired the taste, and believe me when I say; I've just been through an extraordinary journey with that little creature. I wouldn't have missed it for the world, and I am so much richer for the experience. I leave on Sunday and this has undoubtedly been the fastest three months of my life. I'm sitting outside the house with some of the other volunteers; the moon is almost full in a sky of scudding clouds, black, white and gold against a cobalt blue background. It is stunningly beautiful and I know I cannot be away from this magic land for long, my heart is here; I know this is where I belong. And yet... I also have my life in England, my friends, my home, relationships that I have built up over many years and I also know that I am unable to sever those bonds, I have no wish to, they are a huge part of the fabric of my life. Equally, I can't keep tooing and frowing to the Dark Continent; the airfare alone would make it impossible (why the fuck aren't I RICH???) so I have to make some hard decisions when I return to England. Like... do I give up my flat and move to Africa permanently, live in a tent for the rest of my life and hang out with monkeys? What reason do I have to remain in England? My friends mean a great deal to me, but are they enough to make my life feel fulfilled? At least, in Africa I feel I am doing something relatively worthwhile, something I don't feel in England where I don't seem to do anything but wait for the 'phone to ring with offers of work; something, that as we know happens too infrequently. I do believe that the life I have here, in Africa, is as close to living in the Garden of Eden as it's possible to experience on this planet, so why am I even questioning what decision I should reach? I love living in a tent, I need to be in Nature, I'm addicted to the monkeys, I love my fellow long-term volunteers, and I adore being part of a community of like-minded people. Put like that, it seems that I'm sorted and the decision has already been made; but there are discussions I have to have with friends when I return. And I am aware that many of them would be sad to see me leave London. But then, they always have the option of coming to Africa to visit me, so perhaps that will provide a solution. But, I can't continue the tooing and frowing without a large injection of the green stuff, and I guess if tooing and frowing is on the cards then the green stuff will appear and I should stop bothering my pretty little head looking for solutions to non-existent problems. Since being here, I have had a lot of work done on my teeth, and my top bridge has been replaced at a fraction of the price it would have been in England. The new teeth are great, but they did take a few days to get used to. For the first week I felt like Freddie Mercury, which wasn't actually the look I was going for, but I think I've become accustomed to them now and actually feel rather good. The dentist made them a shade whiter than my previous bridge and I think it's the whiteness that caused my initial consternation; it made me look 'all teeth' if you know what I mean, but now that I've become used to them I find I rather like it. Hollywood teeth, FINALLY! Tomorrow is my day off, and I'm spending it here instead of making my usual frenetic trip into Tzaneen. I shall sit under my favourite tree, my friend Vicky will appear with some Marguerites and we'll we well away by midday. Bliss... Meroela is sleeping with the other orphans for the third night in a row, and having a good time with her monkey friends, which is as it should be, I'm having a drink and a good time with my friends, - which is also as it should be - the moon is almost full and my heart is full of love for all that this magical land has given me. Take care of yourselves, we all send our love. x
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