Having been home for seven whole weeks now, I find myself gaining in strength on a daily basis. I am very aware that this period of my life is the most rich and fulfilling I have ever known; and I revel in the joy of it. I also believe I've earned it!!!! I had to face so many difficulties last year, and although I did so, kicking and screaming, I finally discovered my strength which has enabled me to focus far less on my vulnerability. I've always longed for the release of death because I saw it as the ultimate and indeed only, escape from the pain of being alive. I am now able to accept, that it is impossible to go through life without being hurt, but I am now equipped to deal with pain on a much more realistic level. Yes, it hurts, but it will pass, and if I am wise and open to the experience it will also be my teacher.

My life in the Sanctuary is bliss! I lie in bed at night with my dogs - Snooze under the duvet, Lux on top of it, and Candy on her chair - and watch the candle light reflecting in the mirrors and I am filled with such a sense of peace. I've transformed my cottage since my return; it was in need of some work, and having done it the result is quite magical. The one thing I missed in Africa was second hand shops. I love them with a passion, and have furnished all my homes with them, but never found one in Tzaneen. Until... I was being driven along an unfamiliar route and suddenly, there it was - 2nd hand city -! The car screeched to a halt, I threw myself into the shop and found an Aladdin's cave of treasure. I am now in possession of something I have wanted but never had since childhood, a DRESSING TABLE! I can't tell you what pleasure it has given me. It's probably 1940's, the wood I think is walnut, it has five drawers and a glass top, and three mirrors. So, no more balancing on the edge of the bed, trying to put eye shadow on with one hand, whilst holding a mirror with the other. I also found an oak wardrobe, with a full length mirror on one of the doors and two bedside tables. Now everything in my cottage is made of wood, and the scent of beeswax and lavender is very satisfying!

I finally have everything I ever dreamed of in my home. It truly is my sanctuary; it is filled with love, peace and laughter. My relationship with my dogs gives me such joy; and watching them as they sleep, seeing their contentment, feeling the peace that emanates from them is a source of endless joy. When I leave the cottage - which I always do with great reluctance! - they all follow me down the track, and I feel like the pied piper and laugh out loud as they trot along behind me.

So the traumas of the last year are fading fast to be replaced by a sense of harmony, peace and deep, deep joy. I still can't quite believe my luck, and will never, ever, for a single second, take for granted the huge blessing that has been bestowed upon me. I have found my HOME, the place where I belong, where I am accepted, valued and loved. And my gratitude to the fates that led me here is boundless. And yes, it was worth the wait. I now want to fully live, to embrace life in all its complexity, it's joys, its sorrows, its secrets and its essential mystery.

The changes at the Sanctuary are wonderful and so very welcome. Yes, we have tb and yes, we are losing so many monkeys; monkeys that we have known for years and loved as members of our family, and each loss is painful and infinitely sad. Dave - Arthur's partner who is now running the Sanctuary since Arthur's death - has transformed the place, enclosures are springing up on a daily basis, cottages being built for the volunteers, the monkeys are being fed an amazing diet, and once this appalling disease is finally under control, we will be in a position to ensure that it never occurs again and look after our remaining monkeys and the new ones who will join them, from a position of strength.

Dave is a particular hero of mine right now. Recently he was visiting 'Goliath' enclosure and heard a scream of such anguish from the long grass that he knew someone/thing was in serious danger. It was impossible to see where it came from due to the density of the grass. He had Casey with him, gave her the command to 'find' which she duly did, and found Snooze in the embrace of a rock python three to four metres in length, with a girth the size of a football. Snooze was unconscious, and if Dave had found her seconds later, she would have been breakfast for the python. Dave forced something into the snake's mouth, got a volunteer to hold its tail, and released a very traumatised Snooze from literally the jaws of death. I rushed her to the vet, who treated her for shock and bruising, but no bones were broken and she recovered quickly from her terrifying ordeal. I on the other hand had to be heavily sedated and needed a week in bed to recover!

So my life is good guys, and I hope yours is also. I send love from me, Candy, Snooze and Lux xxxxxxx