20 July 2010 - A Special Friend
My beautiful Candy died four days ago. She suddenly went down hill, although the previous week she had shown signs of improvement. I took her into the vet, who took more x-rays which showed that the tumour had increased in size and nothing more could be done for her. Up until then her quality of life had remained fulfilling. She came for her walks, lay in the sun and was content. But suddenly she changed, literally over night, and as I would never allow an animal in my care to suffer, I knew the time had come to say good-bye to my precious girl. I held her as her life ebbed away; she looked ...read more

12 June 2010 - Candy
I'm feeling very sad - again - but for a different reason. My beloved Candy is very ill and the outlook doesn't bode well. A few weeks ago she began having trouble keeping her food down. She'd eat half her dinner - with great gusto - then go outside, bring it up and start all over again, with the same result. I took her straight to the vet who discovered a 'mass' inside her rib cage which is pressing on her oesophagus and causing her to choke. It could be cancer, which I think we both suspect, or it could be a very virulent type of worm which I of course am hoping for. In order to find out ...read more

20 May 2010 - Life's A Bitch And Then You Die!
I'm feeling a little overwhelmed by the sadness of life at the moment. Not my own, but the sadness I see around me, particularly where animals are concerned. I can see the monkeys in the Sanctuary from my garden and this evening I saw one of them - Baboo - in a tree by himself sitting in the sleeping position. He's in a large open enclosure; where were the rest of his troop; monkeys always sleep together both for warmth and comfort; why was he on his own? I called to him and he raised his head and looked at me but made no move to join me. I was standing on the outside of the enclosure by this ...read more

16 April 2010 - Fred Had To Go
Fred had to go... He and Rusty got into a serious punch-up and as they fought ferociously, Candy and Lux turned on Snooze. I broke it up with a bucket of water, no-one seemed hurt, until I went to dry Snooze off and saw she was seriously bitten on her neck and shoulders. I knew then that Fred had to go, he and Rusty would continue to fight and I couldn't risk any further harm to the dogs I already had. So it was with a very heart that I began the journey that took Fred to the SPCA and Snooze to the vet. But I was very cheered when we reached the SPCA and discovered it to be warm and caring, ...read more

05 March 2010 - And Then There Were Six
I've been living on my own for the past two months; Eveline's mother who lives in France, was taken ill so Eveline went over to look after her. She intended to be away for a month, but one month stretched into two and (with any luck, oops!) may even extend to three. I've LOVED being completely alone with only my dogs for company; I keep discovering how much I've changed and adapted to life in the bush, and it thrills me to know that I can take care of myself and deal with baboon spiders - BIG MOTHERS - red romans - don't ask - and lots of things that go bump in the night. I went to the loo one ...read more

05 January 2010 - A New Beginning
Once again my apologies for the lateness of this blog, but SO MUCH has happened since last I wrote. My biggest news is that I no longer live at the sanctuary; I've moved into a house immediately behind the VMF from which I can still see the monkeys and have contact with them. Why did I move? I realise that every major decision (and indeed, minor) in my life has been made from a romantic point of view; practicality never entered into it. And so it was with choosing to live in the bush, in a wooden shed, without gas, electricity, running water or sanitation. And in a climate to which I am ...read more

12 October 2009 - I Loved My Life in Byfleet
I loved my life in Byfleet. No; I didn't. I loved Byfleet, not the life I lived there. I was born in the (then) small town of Woking, Surrey in December 1943, (For the astrologically aware, it was the 20th, making me a Sagittarian) and after her confinement mother and child returned to their home in Queens Avenue, Byfleet. In those days Byfleet was a small country village; our food was grown in the surrounding fields, harvested - in season - and delivered to the local green-grocers - two as I recall - to be purchased by the women of the village, carrying large, leather shopping bags or baskets ...read more

31 August 2009 - Nigel
One Saturday afternoon, Dave arrived at my cottage with a tiny baby, four or five months old, extremely thin, completely dehydrated and consequently very weak. He was from a bandit troop, had become separated from his mother, and was found by a vol - Liz - trying to catch the drips from the spout of a watering can - and exhausted by his attempts to find his mother. Liz also gave him the name of Nigel, which is a name I associate with English sit-coms; the character of Nigel usually supplying the laughs, and not an obvious choice for a Vervet monkey in Africa. In the event, it proved to be an ...read more

19 July 2009 - Drewe
I feel piqued, pissed off and puzzled, and I'll tell you why. On December 21 1963, the day after my 20th birthday, I married a fellow actor; he was 23 and his name was Drewe Henley. He was, and I'm sure still is a lovely, lovely man. He was also physically extremely beautiful, tall with the body of a god, laughing blue eyes and a smile that could charm the pants off the girls, as well as the birds out of the trees. We married at an exquisite Norman church, situated in the small village of Pyrford in Surrey. The pale yellow of a winter sun glistened on branches of trees, cloaked in ...read more

27 May 2009 - Home Is Where The Heart Is
Having been home for seven whole weeks now, I find myself gaining in strength on a daily basis. I am very aware that this period of my life is the most rich and fulfilling I have ever known; and I revel in the joy of it. I also believe I've earned it!!!! I had to face so many difficulties last year, and although I did so, kicking and screaming, I finally discovered my strength which has enabled me to focus far less on my vulnerability. I've always longed for the release of death because I saw it as the ultimate and indeed only, escape from the pain of being alive. I am now able to accept, that ...read more

20 April 2009 - I'm Home Again!
Yes, it finally happened; I received my visa and I'm finally back where I belong. I arrived just over three weeks ago, and it's taken until now to start to feel human again. I was exhausted from the pressures of the eleven months I spent in London, and hardly left my cottage until a few days ago. But my joy at being home is absolute; I lie in my bed at night, Snooze under the duvet, Lux on top of it and Candy in her favourite chair, my cabin lit by the light of the full moon shining through my window, and I am truly content. It was a dream that sustained me during the horrors of the last ...read more

10 February 2009 - I'm Still In England
Nearly eight months have passed since I arrived in London; I expected to be gone three weeks later, and I'm still here. If I had had any idea of what lay ahead of me all those months ago when I hit these shores, I would have lost the plot completely; as it is, I hung onto the plot for five long months, and then lost it. Big time. I hadn't slept properly for months, was permanently exhausted, the sleeping pills I was taking were so ineffective, I might as well not have bothered, and the anti-depressants that had provided relief for the previous four years weren't even touching the sides, and ...read more

05 December 2008 - You Won't Believe this...
You won't believe this, and why should you; I can scarcely believe it myself. I'M STILL HERE!!! Over five months have passed since I first went to the Embassy to apply for my three year volunteer's visa, and I am still waiting to receive it. It's not that I'm losing the will to continue the fight for it, never that; but I am so weary of it all; and appalled that my life, my happiness, everything that I hold most dear is in the hands of a total stranger who has no idea that my heart is breaking on a daily basis. If I continue down this path, I run the risk of becoming very tearful indeed, and ...read more

05 November 2008 - Seventy-One Days
I've been waiting for 71 days to hear the result of my appeal; I have another 19 to go and then the 90 day waiting period will be over. I cannot believe that the result will be anything but positive. Prince Charles once told his mother - her Maj - that his relationship with Camilla Parker-Bowles (as she then was) 'was non-negotiable'. I feel the same way about my relationship with Africa. I know there is nothing or no-one on God's green earth that can prevent my return to my beloved Africa. Every second of every day, in my imagination I am there; sitting outside my cottage with ...read more

05 October 2008 - Half An Ounce
What an interesting time I'm having! I'm still in London, and tonight I expected to fly back to my beloved Africa, take the bus tomorrow to Tzaneen and by early evening be re-united with my monkeys, my friends, my dogs and my HOME! I LONG to see my garden shed in the bush, LONG to sleep in my own bed with Candy and Snooze tucked up next to me; sit with friends under the tree in my garden, the sun warm on my face; dogs sprawled everywhere, oozing contentment. And although I believe I will have all those experiences again, what I don't know is... when. And the reason I don't know, is because my ...read more

12 June 2008 - Two Sides
I'm currently in London still trying to obtain my three year visa; I hope to have it in the very near future. Because I always experience the torments of the damned when I find myself away from the Sanctuary, I decided that this time, I would avoid such extreme emotion and find a way of enjoying my stay in London's fair city. And I have to say, so far so good. I've been having fun! I discovered upon my return, that Sky Television is to remake Blakes 7 with a new cast, new writers, and a whole heap of money thrown at it, as was done with the recent ...read more

15 May 2008 - The Dark Side Of The Garden Of Eden
My blog has been on my mind for several weeks now, and yes, I owe you an apology, yet again, for it's lateness. I'm very grateful to you all for bearing with me. We've been having a very difficult time at the Sanctuary for some weeks now. Some monkeys who were sent to us from another centre arrived with a very virulent strain of worms which is extremely dangerous to monkeys. Of course, it spread like wildfire, and our anti-biotics didn't do the trick. Monkeys have been dying daily and all of us are walking around with heavy hearts, and eyes bruised from crying. Some new drugs were found which ...read more

29 February 2008 - Roland Rat
A million apologies for my longer than usual silence; apart from another quick visit to London to solve the still ongoing saga of the visa situation which still requires another visit in April - hopefully the last - life in the bush is so unpredictable that planning anything seems risible. I'm also finding sleep a little elusive. This is because of a new addition to my household. I'm convinced it's Rowland Rat, Arthur says it's Mickey Mouse. He says that large mice often look like small rats, but I've seen this mother, and believe me it's a large rat. When I go to bed, Rowland starts his ...read more

01 January 2008 - The Longs and Shorts of It
The fact that I am no longer writing my blogs to Felix, may be greeted by some of you with a certain sense of relief! I've decided to keep my Felix writing separate from my writing to you guys. Not that I'm continuing to write letters to her, but she has certainly been the inspiration behind my decision to get my act together and write a book! I have organised my time to that effect, so that I write in the mornings, and hangout with the monkeys in the afternoon. I finally have the perfect environment in which to write! I sit at my desk, in my cottage in the woods, completely alone - apart from ...read more

30 December 2007 - The Romance Of Africa
There are many things I love about Africa: the monkeys, the landscape, the people and a way of life that has eluded me in London. Africa still has an elegance, style and romance that disappeared from London as the 60's swept away a way of life that had somehow hung on since the Edwardian era. The change had begun at the end of the Second World War. Huge country houses no longer had the staff essential for the maintenance and running of such estates. Many of the men had been killed in the war, and the women no longer wished to remain in service when opportunities for employment in shops and ...read more

22 November 2007 - Heaven and Hell
I don't know Flexi; I appear to be lurching from one crisis to another of late. The aftermath of the fire resulted in several of the long-termers deciding to move on. Wherever people are gathered together, politics will always rear it's ugly head. Ideas, opinions differ, people take sides, form their own little cliques of like minded people, communication and co-operation fly out of the window, and war is inevitably declared. Even here, in the Garden of Eden. But then the original Garden of Eden only became fucked up (pun intended) when Adam and Eve rocked up. It's us you see, human beings; we ...read more

24 October 2007 - Letter To Felix No.4
Well, I'm back in the bush Flex sitting at my desk in my cottage with Candy sleeping beside my chair; the day is relatively cool for which I'm extremely grateful as the last few days have been hotter than hell, and as we know, I fare not well in the fires of hell... England, London, was close to hell Flex: a dismal, grey, overcast sky, pavements littered with debris, polluted air inhaled with every breath and an under current of barely contained violence. The (vast ) populace pushed and shoved their angry, isolated way on pavements wet with rain, police cars, sirens wailing, drove with the ...read more

11 September 2007 - Letter To Felix No.3
My precious girl, So much has happened Flexi, I have no idea where to start. I'm sitting under the tree outside my cottage, a slight breeze causes my wind chimes to chuckle constantly, the leaves cast shadows, and in the spaces between, light from the sun dapples the aeons old rocks that form a semi-circle in front of me. The day is very warm, but I am blessed by the breeze that is a constant presence by my cottage. A bee buzzes lazily overhead, and I can raise my eyes and look at my cottage and luxuriate in the space around me. Except for my beloved Candy, I am completely alone, and it's ...read more

24 August 2007 - Letter To Felix No.2
Oh... Flexi, The most extraordinary things have been happening, not least of which is that you are well on your way to being recognised as the STAR you are! When you popped your clogs; in the midst of my unbearable grief, I said to several friends, 'out of the pain of this loss I believe something very creative will emerge.' And guess what gorjus? IT HAS!!!!! I was recently contacted by the editor of The Herald, an extremely up market newspaper, which is published in Scotland, and he wants to publish an edited version of my blog from when I first had ...read more

23 July 2007 - Letter To Felix No.1
My little monkey!!! And that's as far as I've got... I had, what I considered to be the bright idea of writing my blogs to you in future, in the form of a letter. I know I'm stuck with you, and I suspect you are with me, so I might as well accept it, and acknowledge you as a constant presence in my life. When I wrote that first sentence, the tears came again Flex, and I thought that was as far as I was going to be able to get! (Perhaps I should explain to other readers, that in Afrikaans, Felix is a girl's name and pronounced Flex), but I miss you, my little Princess and because I shared a ...read more

06 July 2007 - Playing To My Strengths
I'm so very grateful to have been here when Felix's death occurred. She had another 'mummy' called Hilde who lives in Denmark. Hilde had left the Sanctuary about two weeks before Felix died, and I had the painful task of letting her know via e-mail. Here, I am surrounded by people who have lost their special monkey, although, what monkey isn't special, and understand completely what I am going through. Hilde on the other hand finds there is no one she can talk to about her feelings without getting the 'but she was only a monkey' response. While I marvel at their ignorance, my heart breaks for ...read more

20 June 2007 - A Bolt From The Blue
I'm sitting on the terrace where I wrote my last blog, the sun is shining, the sky a cloudless blue; the only sound is coming from Solly - one of our workers as he rakes the leaves from around the house. Candy is with me, and the scene is very similar to the one I enjoyed when I wrote my last blog. But the difference this week is that I cannot see the screen through the tears that are pouring down my face. I've just re-read my last blog; I was anticipating an evening sitting around the fire watching the full moon, drinking wine and laughing with friends. But it didn't quite work out like ...read more

07 June 2007 - Full Moon Magic
I've decided that I'm undoubtedly having the best time of my life! I'm having experiences for the first time, like reflexology which I found remarkable; apparently I am the picture of health but might like to 'cut down on the grape' (which I definitely wouldn't like at all), so I'm having a large glass of vino to celebrate! I also went to a Spa on Sunday which was amazing! It was a beautiful building, the walls being made of wood and very African, curving inwards up to a terrifically high domed roof, and the actual pool itself and the surrounding areas were (faux?) marble and, as they were ...read more

22 May 2007 - I'm Going To Be An Actress Again!
I'm VERY EXCITED!!! You remember I mentioned some time ago that I'd been approached about a new play by the writer Matthew Westwood? It was originally scheduled to go into production last autumn, but after hearing the play read for the first time, he decided he wanted to make some changes. I received a text from him this week: the new script is ready, and is winging it's way to me as I write! I'm excited by it from many reasons, (a) first, last and foremost, the quality of the writing, (b) the AMAZINGLY talented cast Matthew has put together, and (c) our leading man who is one of the most ...read more

10 May 2007 - Ticked Off!!!
Yes, I know this blog is late, but trust me there are extremely valid reasons! You know I've been complaining constantly about tiredness? Well, last week, I was taken to the doctor (under duress) and was immediately admitted to hospital suffering from tic bite fever where I remained for two days and nights fighting for life and limb! The symptoms are extremely similar to malaria - high fever, vomiting, appalling headache and pain in the joints. I obviously got mine from Snoozie - all the dogs have tics on them - and after coming out of hospital I spent a week in bed; getting up today for the ...read more

22 April 2007 - Keep Drinking The Water!
I know I said I would write every day, but I didn't say how much! I thought I had committed myself to a full blog a day, which I found rather daunting, but on reflection, I decided that for now, it's enough if I write and don't concern myself with how much. Then when the habit of writing daily is well and truly established, I shall tackle the issue of length. It's not simply a question of finding the time to write; it's finding the energy! I crawled around today feeling totally shattered; I had a nap in the enclosure - Snow White is much happier - there's still a way to go, but at least the ...read more

10 April 2007 - From Byfleet To the Bush
When I returned to the VMF this time, it was with the intention of working with my monkeys and writing a book in my spare time. I'd already decided on the title - 'From Byfleet to the Bush' which I found quite hilarious, but have thus far, yet to write the first sentence... You see, the title suggests an autobiography, and an autobiography is the very last thing on earth, I wish to write. So you see my dilemma? I have a brilliant title - I think! - for a book I have no wish to write, while at the same time knowing, that there IS a book I want to write, but not an autobiography. So what does ...read more

30 March 2007 - Back Where I Belong!
Before I go any further I must apologise for the time lapse since my last blog; my few weeks in London passed so quickly and of course there was so much to do! So, please forgive me, and know that I shall revert to my usual 10-day turnaround now that the madness of my previous life no longer claims so much of my time. I'm one of those people who when presented with a form to fill in immediately loses the will to live, and as I was required to fill in several of the little mothers prior to my return to Africa I finally left England clinging onto life by the tips of what remains of my finger ...read more

22 February 2007 - My Home Is A Tent In Africa!
Well, I'm back in London with all that that involves. Freezing cold - not that it bothers me - far from it. I love snow, and it snowed the night I returned. I opened the curtains at 5.00am in order to let Caspar out for a pee, and there it was, a magically transformed world whose beauty took my breath away. Caspar gingerly walked up the steps leading to the garden, leaving a trail of paw prints in the previously virgin snow, which I found very moving. Yes, I do realize that it's probably an odd thing to be moved by, but there you go; I make no apology! Casp did the quickest pee in the history ...read more

02 February 2007 - What To Do Next
Forgive me for being late with this blog, and also for its brevity. Being a full time 'Mum' has totally taken over my life for the past 19 days! For the first 17, Meroela was with me 24/7: if she went into the nursery and played with the other orphans I went with her, she hung out at my tent with friends who stopped by for a drink at the end of the day, and proved herself to be an enchanting and thoroughly entertaining companion. Her curiosity is endless, watching her jump onto a tree the first time and proceed to make a wobbly exploration of branch, leaf and bark was an experience to melt the ...read more

20 January 2007 - Meroela
I'm sitting under a tree outside my tent, and inside my top is a tiny monkey: she's four weeks old, but she was premature by three weeks and requires far more attention than our other orphans. I've been looking after her 24/7 for the past week and it's proving to be a unique experience. She was born in one of our enclosures, the first baby of an ageing mother. Her mother was unable to produce milk sufficient for her needs, so to be three weeks premature, and born to an ageing mother, she didn't exactly have the best start in life. She was then kidnapped by a bandit monkey and deposited in the ...read more

10 January 2007 - Me And My Guys
I just received a wonderful email from my friend Vicki filling me in on all the news from London. A friend who is temporarily homeless has been staying in my flat while I'm away, so Caspar, who loathes everyone except Vick and I has had to find a new way to exit the house. He usually does so through my French windows, but has been decidedly miffed since Joel's arrival, refuses to enter my flat and now exits via Vicks drawing room window. This is not as easy as it sounds. Vick recently had new windows (as close to the Georgian originals as possible) put in, and they require lots of nuts, bolts, ...read more

20 December 2006 - What A Week!
Life in Africa is never boring! The rain last week made me realize that it was time to buy a new tent. The zips finally went on my original one so off I went into Tzaneen to see if I could purchase one that afforded a little more protection. I found one, went back, and got some of the boys to put it up for me. Then I was offered another position which is outside of tent village and deeper into the bush. I decided to go for it, so the boys took my tent down, re-established it and retained their good humour throughout. I loved the new position which afforded me privacy and solitude, and being ...read more

10 December 2006 - What An Adventure!
I've just lived through an incredible 24 hours! It started yesterday morning, when I woke up to torrential rain pounding onto my tent. I threw on some clothes, rather regretting that I had neglected to purchase any oilskins and ran over to see my babies. Everything in the enclosure was soaking wet including the monkeys. They all threw themselves onto me diving down my sweater to get to the heat of my body. Six sopping monkeys hit my warm skin, and suddenly I WAS AWAKE! We huddled together until finally they fell asleep. But not for long... The rain turned into a major storm, forked lightning ...read more

30 November 2006 - It's A Long Way From Byfleet
Well, I'm back, but just before I left I received some very sad news from Sandy. During the week prior to my arrival, Charlie Brown had been found lying in tent village obviously very ill. He was rushed up to Arthur but it was too late, and a few hours later he died. Everybody here was deeply affected by the loss of that little person: he was such a special monkey, and I feel so sad every time I walk past his enclosure knowing he won't be popping out demanding treats. We don't know why he died. It happens sometimes, that a monkey who had previously been in excellent health, suddenly for no ...read more

10 November 2006 - Freedom
have four days remaining to me before I hit Heathrow for my flight to Jo'burg. I shall spend the night in Jo'burg with friends and the following morning catch the bus for the seven hour trip to Tzaneen where I will be collected from the bus station and driven to the Sanctuary. Upon arrival I shall rush to the enclosure containing Ms Felix - this time secure in the knowledge that she WILL remember me - and know that I am truly HOME! Oh! Ms Felix, I can hardly wait! In my imagination I can already feel those arms clasped around my neck, smell the sweet monkey scent of you, stroke the soft silky ...read more

30 October 2006 - A Night To Remember
I'm in such a state of excitement that I can hardly write! I didn't get to bed until 7.30am, I was chain smoking, imbibing A LOT of the grape, pacing up and down the flat with huge butterflies fluttering in my tummy as I tried to re-engage with terra firma , my head being completely in the clouds at the time. What had caused this incredible euphoria, I hear you ask?! Well.... I have two dear friends who live in Ibiza, every year I go and spend two glorious weeks with them in their beautiful finca which I understand is a traditional Spanish farmhouse. You know the sort of thing; walls three ...read more

20 October 2006 - Burst My Bubble!
Something rather exciting - professionally speaking - has recently presented itself. An extremely talented writer called Matthew Westwood contacted me with a request to appear in a new play he has recently written. I read the script, loved it and went to a read-thru last Friday. The cast is composed of 7 characters, one of them being Anna Wilson-Jones who I worked with for 8 months in a production of Dangerous Corner (or 'Dodgy Bend' as it was known within the company) and is now one of my closest friends, the mother of my God daughter Agatha, and a seriously talented ...read more

10 October 2006 - Ballet Changed My Life: Ballet Hoo!
I'm enjoying one of my favourite kinds of day. This means that I'm tucked up in bed in front of a blazing coal fire with Caspar curled up beside me, while rain drives down outside, wind howls like a demented wolf, and trees shed their leaves in great russet heaps that cluster outside my window. Dusk is darkening the sky, Cyril (squirrel) has steamed up for his supper and is munching his way through a vast amount of peanuts while sitting on the end of my bed. He appears, regular as clockwork morning and evening, and frequently in between. During his visits, he consumes COPIOUS quantities of ...read more

29 September 2006 - A Day In Tent Village
I'm sitting in my tent writing this, enjoying my favourite time of day. Between 6pm and 8pm all the volunteers go up to the house for supper. I usually skip this because it means that I have tent village to myself, and I use the time to process the events of the day. I value solitude greatly; indeed I require it in order to maintain what little sanity I possess! I love listening to the wind sighing through the trees as I watch the stars fill the sky, follow the moon as she swells from a sliver of silver light into a full, golden globe filling my world with fairy dust and magic. Through the ...read more

17 September 2006 - I'm Home
It's a miracle to me that I'm writing this sitting in my tent in my beloved tent village in Africa! It's my day off and I elected to spend it here rather than at the Lodge. I knew I needed a day to myself, I also needed to stay close to the monkeys: my time here is short and I don't want to be away from those magical creatures for a second longer than absolutely necessary. You can imagine my feelings on the bus from Jo'burg to Tzaneen. The closer we got to our destination the more my excitement grew. Would my babies remember me? Would I be able to re-establish the relationship I had had with ...read more

31 August 2006 - I'm Going Back To Africa
In approximately 48 hours from now I shall be winging (in every sense of the word) my way to Johannasburg enroute to Tzaneen, where I shall arrive on Wednesday afternoon. And then... I shall see my BABIES!!! It's all I think about; in my head, my heart and my soul, I have been with them every second of every day since I left. Even when it was necessary to think about other things for a time, I knew they were always on the back burner. Of course; those monkeys are a part of my life, and therefore a part of me. And my awareness of them grows daily. And now, finally, I am only days away from ...read more

16 August 2006 - In Casualty
I had such a good time! It's a long time since I've worked with such a lovely company. It isn't always easy walking into a long running show as a guest; and Casualty has been on air for 21 years. The cast know one another very well, and it's easy for a guest to feel excluded from their charmed circle and rather out on a limb so to speak. Not so with Casualty. Everyone went out of their way to make me feel welcome, both in front of the camera and behind it. The atmosphere in the studio was relaxed, professional and therefore conducive to good work. I loved playing opposite ...read more

29 July 2006 - My Dilemma
When I left for Africa it was with the intention of resolving several key issues in my life; the biggest being, what was I going to do with my life in the future? In a professional capacity that is. I've been an actress for 43 years and it's really the only life I know, and the only talent I have, capable of earning me money. But my 'life in art' has proved to be extremely difficult and although I love the work itself and adore my fellow (good) actors, I recognized that I loathe the business side of the work which seems to encroach further and further on the 'artistic' side. The bottom line, - ...read more

26 June 2006 - Nureyev
My week started badly with some very impressive projectile vomiting during the early hours of Tuesday morning. This proved to be the result of salmonella poisoning which I - and the rest of the guests contracted at my beloved God daughters first birthday party. A couple of days later I crawled into the West End with the intention of buying a birthday present for her father; his birthday being today. Like me, her father studied ballet before becoming an actor, and also like me has a great love for the art. So I decided to buy him a copy of the Diane Solway biography on ...read more

13 June 2006 - I'm Back
My darlings, I'm back in England and have been for 10 days, but this is the first time I've put type to writer, if you see what I mean, (of course you do) but before I proceed, I want to say a HUGE THANK-YOU to everyone who was kind enough to email while I was in Africa. I can't tell you how thrilled I am that you like the site and enjoy my blog! Because of my extreme technophobia, I was unable to blog from Africa, or access my email. Yes, I know; it's beyond pathetic, but there you go: I can't be good at everything... Now that I'm back in London and able to use my pc I intend to blog ...read more

26 May 2006 - Tzaneen Country Lodge
I've been finding it extremely difficult to write since arriving in monkey heaven. The experience is so overwhelming, so totally absorbing that the "real" world recedes and my world now contains monkeys and tent village, and that's about it! Oh, and also, the Tzaneen Country Lodge, which is where I am now, sitting in an enchanted garden writing this blog. I arrived on Thursday after my weekly shopping trip to Tzaneen. This occurs on my day off, and is hardly a holiday as the streets are thick with humanity waiting to pick pockets and steal handbags. Consequently, I'm on red alert while I'm ...read more

12 May 2006 - Overlooking The Obvious
My ability to completely overlook the obvious never ceases to amaze me. I spent my first week here crying copiously and frequently. In this state of mind, I immediately assumed it is because of deep wounds from my childhood; only later to discover it has NOTHING to do with my past and everything to do with my present. I spent seven months last year undergoing treatment for breast cancer. This involved two operations, removal of the lymph nodes from my right arm, six sessions of chemotherapy, fifteen sessions of radiotherapy, twelve self -administered injections, and the consumption of enough ...read more

05 May 2006 - Magic
And magic is what I have found. It is everywhere, it permeates the landscape, the animals and the people. Here the monkeys come first, before everything else. We are here for them and it is an awesome privilege. I've been working with the smallest babies since Sunday, four days ago. They were brought in here because their mothers had been shot by farmers who couldn't quite bring themselves to shoot the tiny babies clinging to their breasts. So they arrive totally traumatised and it is our job to give them the love and security necessary for survival. I've been bottle feeding the babies and ...read more

29 April 2006 - I'm In Africa
I'm here in the African Bush, living with the monkeys. I arrived in a state of nervous and physical exhaustion. Months of not eating properly, going to bed at dawn, etc finally caught up with me, so I've been given a few days to get myself together and finally - tomorrow- I shall begin work with the monkeys. When I arrived I was shown to my tent in tent village. This is composed of about twelve tents and I was fortunate to get one to myself. However, the zips had broken so they had been replaced with velcro which proved to be a very unsatisfactory substitute. When I returned from supper, ...read more

07 April 2006 - Lemar
By the time you guys read this, I'll be in AFRICA!!! I only have five days left before I leave and I can't begin to describe how I'm feeling. But I shall try... I've now come through the primal terror barrier, and find myself about to explode with mounting excitement (gosh!) - a sensation infinitely preferable to primal terror, but requiring a similar (VAST) surge of adrenalin. Twice in the last ten days I've - severely - flooded the bathroom; this is very unlike me. The first time I did it was bad enough, but fortunately it hadn't reached the main room. The second time however I only ...read more

31 March 2006 - Thomas
My beautiful friend, Thomas Patrick Bevins died on St. Patrick's Day. He was buried yesterday and tomorrow would have been his 69th birthday. The first time I met him 12, 13 years ago, was at 'Woodtown Manor' a Georgian farmhouse in Rathfarnham, Southern Ireland. I had gone to visit a friend who was living there while(st?) recovering from the breakdown of his marriage; he was renting the 'Manor' and Thomas went with it, because Thomas was the butler and had been for years, so you moved into the 'Manor' and Thomas was part of the deal. I had never met a butler before, nor indeed since, but when ...read more

24 March 2006 - Amazing Day
I had the most amazing day! I had to get all the gear I need to take to Africa. (It STILL doesn't feel real). This involved buying a camera - I've never owned a camera in my life - walking boots, ditto, sleeping bag etc, etc, etc; ditto, ditto, ditto. So I was incredibly grateful to David for agreeing to accompany me and guide me to shops I never knew existed. 'Blacks' 'Millets' - we avoided Army Surplus - and I ended the day completely kitted out as a woman I do not recognize as myself. But... I did find some very amusing trousers which had two zips in the leg - in both legs actually - and ...read more

17 March 2006 - What Do I Think I'm Doing?
The last time I wrote I said that the reality of my trip to Africa hadn't really registered, well last night it did, big time, and I experienced a wave of primal fear the like of which, I never wish to experience again. Ever. What do I think I'm doing??? I'm a girl who loves her creature comforts, is welded to her bed, and has been a life long arachnophobic. I go to bed between 5 and 7am and, really, if truth be told, live my life as a teenager. But a teenager who's got it made! No boring parents hovering around, and no boring school to go to. Yes, I recognize that it's frightfully unbecoming ...read more